He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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