You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize