She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
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