I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
