Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
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