I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
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