Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
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If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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