Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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