So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
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