"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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