Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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