yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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