Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
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