I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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