She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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