i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Randomize
