she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Randomize
