In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
i just made my gag reflex go away.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Randomize
