my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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