I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Randomize
