I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
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