Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
