my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
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Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
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I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.