i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
someone get that fucking seahorse.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
