Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
My vagina just recognized that song.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'