i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.