oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager