As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
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Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
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Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone