life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
