wakey wakey hands off snakey
We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
