I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Randomize
