i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
