I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
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