And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Randomize
