Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
i wish my penis had a tongue
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
