I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Randomize
