Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Randomize
