You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Randomize
