I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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