The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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