I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Randomize
