I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
