Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
