when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize
