Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
