I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
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