I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
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