She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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