I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Randomize
