Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
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