your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
