I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
