went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
