Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Randomize
