I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
