i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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