Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
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