my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Randomize
