First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
Randomize
