dude i'm inner monologue high
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
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I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
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Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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