Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Randomize
