Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Oh god it's open bar.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
