Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
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