we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
I want to be your penis for a week.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
