The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
