Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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