My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
Hey I don't know if you will get this but all I know is you are so beautiful to .ee and? I dare anyone to stop me me from caring for you ante so beautiful so I kid you not gorgeous iyoiu are so beautiful to me i dare som.eone too stioo you
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
