Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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