you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
they need to just BURY HIM!
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
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